I've got issues

Day after day, I'm confronted with this somewhat threatening fact: I'm writing my MA thesis, and within a couple of months, I'll be graduating. But until then, I'll have these issues, these "thesis issues". 

You know you're writing your thesis if... you're kind of desperate almost all day long, with the exception of those few moments of joy, for example when you go to the gym, or when you have a drink with one of your housemates. You know you're writing your thesis if... you realise that you wake up in the morning thinking "how many words will I write today?" and that you go to bed after having written not even that many words as you'd have loved to. How come I'm under pressure?

 
You know, it's not just the thesis, it's the life after that that's bothering me at the moment. What will I do after I've written my thesis? Will I be able to make that dream come true, i.e. to be a Spanish teacher at a bilingual or international school? Maybe my mom is right, and I should've been working for a couple of years already. I'm 29, for Christ's sake, and I'm still studying! Well, I've been through a lot, but my mom thinks that's a pathetic little excuse. Honestly, I don't know. I know what happened in my past and what's happening in my present, but I'm not able to predict what will happen in the future. All I know is that I've done the best I could ever since I started studying Languages and Cultures of Latin America in 2004. A lot has happened since. And I do realise that most of my fellow students have already found a job and they no longer belong to that class of people I belong to, i.e. students. However, I do realise that a student's life is quite good and that you should enjoy every single moment of it. At least, that's what I thought last week when I applied for another language course. After English level 7 I've also decided to take up a French course to improve my French. I mean, I'm Belgian, so I should be able to express myself clearly in French. The biggest problem is the interference of Spanish and even Portuguese. That's why I do understand about everything native speakers of French are telling me, but why I can't answer back in a decent way without using Spanish or Portuguese vocabulary. I also wanted to improve my Portuguese, but maybe I should take up that course in the second semester... All I know is that my thesis coordinators weren't too happy to hear about my intentions to improve certain languages. They're quite afraid that I'll dedicate too much time to all the other things that distract me from my thesis. But honestly, I can't work on my thesis 24/7! Ok, I should be aware of the fact that distraction from the thesis is easily found. However, ever since I took up my new rhythm, as one of my mid-August resolutions, I have about two hours extra every day. I dedicate those two extra hours to study languages. Ok, maybe I dedicate another extra hour a day to the study of languages. But at about 2 PM I'm working hard on my thesis, and that until about 11.30 PM. I only have a break for dinner and to watch one episode of the series Lost - which is actually losing me at the moment with all its flash-backs and flash-forwards (but that's something for another post, I suppose). So what's wrong with studying languages? I thought my thesis coordinators would somehow encourage me to improve my languages, because I think it's a welcome change from my thesis, and besides that, it's also quite useful. 

It's just that I'm not always happy when writing my thesis. Now I know for sure that I'm not the most suitable person to do a PhD. I feel already unhappy when I don't understand something immediately and I get easily frustrated when I don't find the appropiate words to reformulate what this or that investigation has shown. I usually start summarising articles and useful fragments of books with a lot of motivation and goodwill. But somehow I get lost very easily, and then I get stuck in the article. That's the point when I start feeling unhappy. At that point, motivation is hard to find. And then I'd better dedicate some time to other things, like language learning or reading, preferably in - you guessed it - a foreign language. 

Anyway, as I cannot start the educational MA I wanted to do in February, I will do some additional language courses, if other people like it or not. It's my last opportunity to take up some extra courses. I really want to graduate with something more in my backpack than just my BA and MA courses, and as foreign languages are getting more and more important, it's always good to have that on your CV. But when I graduate, dear reader, I will be very happy because, to be honest, I really want to find a job and be a teacher. I want to teach those kids Spanish - or French, or English - but not just that. I also want to teach them that life is not all about studying. It's not all about having fun either, but it's more or less something in between these two: the golden mean. And if you have to go through some tough times, you have to know that eventually it will get better. And that's the take-home message for myself: when you have these thesis issues, it can only get better!

Let's graduate!