What's in a word?

What makes us different from animals is the fact that we can communicate using words, using language, and people from different countries use generally different languages. Still, animals can communicate, but the difference between communication methods used by animals and our own communication methods is that ours can be indefinitely expanded and adapted, while animals - even my little Chico - have a very limited communication system. Or so I learnt in one of my first linguistics classes. Now, we use words all the time, all day long, but what's in a word? Words can be similar in different languages, and still have a completely different meaning. Today, however, I don't want to focus on words in general, but I want to take a look at the meaning of specific words, words that have become very important in the difficult period I'm going through at the moment.

Firstly, let's have a look at the word 'friend'. When is a friend a friend? What's in the word 'friend'? Secondly, let's compare 'friend' with 'enemy'. What's in the word 'enemy'? Once I read this sentence: "Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies even closer". I made my own version: "It's good to know your friends, but it's even better to know your enemies". I posted this on Facebook this week, but received disappointingly few reactions. Maybe just because people didn't know what I meant by it. Well, let me use this opportunity, this blog, to be a little more specific about this sentence.

Friends. Everybody seems to have at least a few of them. Well, maybe not everybody. But how do you know if a friend is a true friend or if it is a so-called "false" friend? Both are friends somehow, right? I mean, both got the connotation of the word 'friend'. According to Merriam-Webster, my favourite online dictionary, a friend is "one attached to another by affection or esteem", but can also be "one that is not hostile". It's not entirely clear to me how I should define the word 'friend', but I can tell you this: I am blessed with a few really good friends. They are there when I'm feeling sad or broken-hearted, no matter the situation I'm going through. I even have some very good friends in my family. My true friends are those who can somehow read my mind and can pierce through the seemingly happy person I sometimes am when I'm having a rough time. That's why I sometimes find it hard to look my friends straight in the eye. I don't want them to know that I'm not feeling too well. I feel ashamed and intimidated to let somebody know that I'm not well. Anyway, they accept me just the way I am, with all my flaws. However, if this is my definition of the word 'friend', then there are quite a lot of people included, even teachers and therapists. So I should narrow it down, maybe. Ok, let's say that with real friends, I can also share some beautiful moments, especially when the two of us - as I prefer to be one-on-one with my friends, because that gives me a feeling of equilibrium and equality - are somewhere outside, enjoying the beauty of nature, or having a drink together, or when we are somehow praying together or just being together. As you might know, religion has a very specific place in my life, and I cannot always find the words to talk to God. So if a true friend does that for me, I feel very blessed.

Now about "false" friends. You see, friends don't always have to be people, it can also be an object, especially and specifically in the case of so-called "false" friends. As one of the best nurses I've ever met - you might have read more about her in earlier posts, like this one - told me once, a knife and some pills can be false friends. You think they help you in times you need them - and to be honest, they bring some relief, only it doesn't last that long - but it's so much better to turn to people when you're going through a rough time. It's just that I've had to learn and accept that, and it was not easy for me to understand and face the reality, namely that a knife, pills and cutting glass are NOT your friends. Instead, they are "false" friends, maybe even your enemies in certain situations. Still, it's difficult for me to grasp this. I've had so many bad moments in which I felt so damn alone that I fell back on my knife, pills and cutting glass. At that time, they were the best friends I could imagine. Now I look back at that time with suspicion. However, I'm still not entirely convinced that they are indeed that false as their name assumes... 

Still, false friends exist everywhere, so there are a lot of people around me that maybe consider themselves friends, but... they're actually not. In my case, I can say that not only in my direct environment, but also in my family, I have a few false friends. They are hypocrites, liars and only seem to care about me when I can do something to their favour. It's a pity I have these people around me. Furthermore you have these two-faced people: you cannot possibly rely on them, because you never know which face you'll have to face at that moment. I shouldn't even call these people friends, but rather enemies. Two-faced people and hypocrites can't possibly be called friends, not even "false" friends. Two-faced people are probably the worst, because mostly they show you their beautiful, friendly and understanding side, but then, when you are expecting it the least, they turn from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde.

Now, let's turn to enemies. Hypocrites and two-faced people are probably my biggest enemies, even though they consider themselves friends sometimes. At least, that's what they want to make me believe. Maybe they're even the most dangerous people in someone's life, those who pretend to be friends, but are in fact your enemies. And they're damn well aware of that fact. But hey, I'm not ignorant, and not stupid either! 

An enemy in my point of view is someone who thinks I deserve to pass through difficult periods and who finds pleasure in my misery. I know there are people like that in my life. Enemies want you to suffer, they want you to fall back on methods of coping you don't want to use anymore. They want you to be torn apart, to be devastated and overwhelmed by your emotions. Shortly: they hate you. That's the word. The two most important enemies in my life live inside of me, and you've probably read about them in another post. Their names are Male and Moses. They are the voices that torment me. Another exceptionally strong enemy is the devil. But I won't go into detail here. And then there are the human enemies, for there are some of them too. You can't always tell, but I can tell when somebody dislikes me. Ok, that doesn't make them an enemy immediately, but still... We all have enemies, we have to acknowledge that. However - and now I finally going to make my point - the biggest enemy to myself is... me. I am the one who hates myself. I am the one who despises Debz and who tells myself I'm worth nothing. I'd be a hypocrite myself if I didn't own up to that!

I should cherish the moments I have with friends, especially because few of them are real friends. However, I've recently noticed that not one friend of mine can deal with my extreme emotions and moodswings in an adequate way, which makes actually perfect sense, because there exist therapists for that purpose. So I should try to enjoy the moments together with my real friends, and try to make the best of it. As for the enemies, and then I mention especially hypocrites and two-faced people, I should be aware of the fact that they exist and that they have bad and false intentions. And maybe I should just try to remember what I wrote earlier: "Keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer", and "It's good to know your friends, but even better to know your enemies". If I stick to that, then nothing bad can happen, right?