I turned 30 a while ago and I'm still a member of the single ladies club. And as for me, I'd like to keep it that way. I see terrible things happening around me. Cousins get divorced and marry for the second time. Friends are treated like rubbish by their husbands or boyfriends. Why in the world would I want to get married or even have a boyfriend? All the misery, all the problems... Sh*t happens, they say, and I totally agree, but if you can prevent that type of sh*t from happening... why wouldn't you?
Ok, I have to admit that there are still exceptions. When I look around me when I am in church I see happily married couples. Still, it's a process of giving and taking. And I don't know if I'm willing to give that much. Honestly, being a borderliner doesn't help. Borderliners love to give and take, but somehow it always boils down to searching the extremes.
So I've decided I'll be a member of the single ladies club for the rest of my life. I've had relationships, oh yes, but the first serious boyfriend I had treated me badly and didn't respect my limits when it came to initimacy, the second one turned out to be gay and only used/abused me as a cover for his family and the third one... well, that was a good one, but he broke up with me because he couldn't cope with me being a borderliner - which, if I think back how I was back then and how I behaved at that time, was a completely reasonable decision. It's been almost 11 years since he left me, and since that moment, I've been a chronically single lady. I've regretted some decisions I've made, for example, that moment when I had the chance to begin a relationship with a very, very friendly housemate, but I was too scared to lose him that I didn't dare to go ahead with the romantic thing. Now we're soulmates, and I love him more than I would have loved him if we'd had a relationship. I've been in love with some very nice guys from university, but somehow it didn't work out, not only because I wasn't able to take that giant leap, but also because somehow the boys I fell in love with, weren't really in love with me.
There's a slight possibility that I'll turn out to be a spinster for the rest of my life. So what?! I'd rather be happy and unmarried than unhappily married. In my family I've seen enough examples of unhappily married people. Then I'd rather stick to myself and my lovely budgy Timo. We're a good match, you know :)
Of course, there is this one thing... I'd love to have children of my own, but I don't think that would be a wise decision. First and foremost, I'd need to quit all the medication I'm using. Not an easy thing, because then it's quite unpredictable how I'll end up after 9 months of pregnancy without my meds. Furthermore, I'm already 30 years old, and I have the impression that all the "good guys" are already occupied. I once tried a dating site, but that didn't turn out to be a great success. So I gave up after only a month. And since then, I haven't felt the need to make another profile on another dating site, even if it were a christian dating site. I feel quite comfortable with the life I'm living now. My parakeet is my companion, I have quite a lot of good to really good friends - you know who you are! - even though I see some of them on very rare occasions. We keep in touch via mail, via Facebook, on the phone. And if this urge to have children becomes so overwhelmingly big, I can always go to Belgium and play with my nieces, or play with the children in church.
So, what about you, dear reader? Do you prefer to stay single - whether you're a lady, like me, or a guy - or do you really have that urge to find a partner soon? In any case, those times of "they lived happily ever after" are over. If you see and hear what happens in some families between partners... Tssss, it's just too much for me. I'll live "happily ever after", but then WITHOUT a husband, because, as far as I know, I've been quite happy for the past 11 years, without one single kiss, without - well, let's just say it - having sex... I'm happy the way I am. I don't need a man, I want to stay independent as long as I can. Of course, the day I'll have to go to an old people's home will be very difficult. The children I never had won't visit me. The granddchildren I never had will never visit me. And the husband I never had will certainly not stay with me and hold my hand when the moment I come to die arrives... But that's for later, why don't we just enjoy this moment of independence? If you want to join my single ladies club, you're very welcome! (Even if you're a guy ;)
I can't help noticing an undertone. Do you still have to convince yourself of what you're saying?
ReplyDeleteBesides, falling in love is something that just happens; if you want it or not. Or do you close the door for that as well?
Of course it´s really a delicate and serious matter, even for "normal" people, more so for the liners.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy you singleness, if/while you really can, but try not to make avoiding love your agenda. Love, no matter how "cheesy" it sounds, can heal. Well, it can kill too, right. But that´s true about everything in life per se. Even about "independence" or "freedom". So maybe go the middle way. Do not close your heart completely, but be realy careful and choosy, trusting your sensitivity and intelligence.
Not long ago, cynicism and nihilism ruled my life. Love, it was just a vocable, a chemical reaction of your brain hard-wired to make you procreate. Now I am in it, wholly immersed in it, and I consider this last few weeks as the best times of my life. No matter what will happen next, how it´s gonna turn out, it does not really matter. What matters is those blissful moments, and the feeling of you and she merging into "we".
gl
Marten
Dear Marten,
DeleteI'm so happy you've found the love of your life! I hope you can share many beautiful moments with her, and who knows, start a family.
As for myself, I really don't need a guy. I've had boyfriends, but only one of them really respected me for who I was. The other two only thought about what they wanted, not about what I wanted. Anyway, love is a delicate thing, and I won't mess with it. Of course, there is still this one tiny shred of hope inside myself that hopes that I'll find a man, but the list of conditions is large ;) First of all, I want to marry a christian, preferably a christian who goes to the same type of church I go to. There is potential, because our church is spread all over the Netherlands, but at this moment, I just don't need a man in my life. In fact, I have enough to care about with my budgy Timo :D
Well, you never know. I'll let you know if somehow, God decided it differently for me ;)
That's funny... First you write sh*t twice and then there's that pic saying SHIT haha. You're not inadvertently a member of the PC brigade, now are you? ;)
ReplyDeleteThe fact that people are married doesn't tell us anything about their quality of life. A lot of old folks out there have been married since Fred discovered Wilma but that doesn't prove a single thing. They might be like brother and sister for all I know. Today I hear on the radio 36,000 couples get divorced every year in this here little dot on the planet. I also don't believe you need someone else to be, you know, whole.
In the end it all depends on what you want out of life. Some want a wife, others want a Blogger Board. ;)
Hi there Blue, good to see you on my blog once again! No, as far as I know, I'm not a member of the PC brigade, LOL :) It's just that I'm not that good at photoshopping pictures like you are :D
DeleteHow are you in your marriage? I mean, seriously, Grumpster, are you happier now than you were before you met Angie? Well, I hope so for you, but maybe it doesn't make any difference. Who knows?
And as for the choice between a partner and a Blogger Board... let's not go there ;)
Single at my sea for so long I lost count, not worth the aggravation of whack jobs finding me and boy there have been a few. But if the right one comes along I'm game, other wise I'll talk to the cats haha
ReplyDeleteWell look who's here, Mr. Pat Hatt I know from our famous friend the Blue Grumpster :) So, you don't regret being single, do you? As for now, I'm fine with the idea of being and staying single. I have my little budgy Timo, and my intention is to teach him some sentences in different languages, that is, if he has the ability to speak of course :) Even better than the cats, I can assure you!
DeleteThanks for stopping by! Hope to see you more in the future. In the meantime, I'm going to check out your blog if you don't mind ;)