Count your blessings

Especially in times when you feel a little sad, it's good to count your blessings and to conclude that in fact, life isn't too bad. Or is it?

I think God wants us all to count our blessings every now and then, especially at those moments at which we think we're just having bad luck and we think everything goes wrong. This could be such a moment. I'm in Belgium since last Saturday because my grandma is very ill, she has cancer, and we have to wait until tomorrow before we know if the tumour is operable or if we'll just have to wait and see. It's tearing me apart, because I love my grandma very much, and in fact everyone in our family loves her, especially and irrevocably my granddad. Last week, when my grandma was in hospital, my mom had to bring my granddad to the psychiatric ward because he just couldn't cope with the situation and he threatened to commit suicide. It's terrible to see everyone so unhappy: my mom, my aunts and uncles, the grandchildren... Last Sunday we all went to a cafetaria together, that is to say, my grandparents and almost all the grandchildren. We had some coffee, ice cream and some drinks, and we had a good time. The weather was beautiful and the nature around us evenly so.

Granddad and his beer

Grandma and her ice cream

Having a good time together!

Let me first state that I'm extremely happy that I've known all of my grandparents. My granddad from my father's side died when I was only 7, but his wife, my grandma, died in 2010, 20 years after my granddad had past away. And so I only have the grandparents from my mother's side left, but - and here comes one blessing - I've known three great-grandparents from my mother's side, two great-grandmothers and one great-grandfather. I was 15 when my great-grandfather died at the age of 89. A beautiful age, an age at which you can look back and conclude that it certainly was a life worth living, especially when you know that he was in fact still very lucid and that he had a sharp wit. It's never easy to let go of someone you love, but it's easier when it's at a reasonable age and without a lot of suffering.

Also, in our family, there haven't been so-called "tragic deaths". By this I mean that no children have died or suffered from cancer or some other destructive illness. There've been deaths, yes, but most of them were at a reasonable age, with the exception of one of my mother's uncles, who was in his sixties when he died from a heart attack, on the exact day that I turned 15 and one of my uncles - a brother of my father - who died at 69, just two years ago. There've been no cases of cancer, that is, until now, with my grandma. So our family has in fact been quite lucky when it comes to deaths and terrible diseases. Furthermore, our family has proliferated. I have many cousins and second cousins, many aunts and uncles. Although there've been fights and contact with some of them is completely lost, I cherish the beautiful moments we had in the past and the fact that some bonds have been renewed just a couple of months ago. 

Family is very important to me, maybe even more since I moved to the Netherlands. I see them less often, and although we call and we chat on Facebook and Skype, it's not the same. I also see my family blessed with my two nieces, Indra and Kyana, about whom I wrote something in an earlier post and who are very, very important to me. Still, when I get a little bit melancholy, I can always count on some friends in the Netherlands, especially one, who will know I'm talking about her when she reads this. She's been an example at first, and a friend later on, but I've practically known her since I started studying at Leiden University. I also have friends from university, although they are rather scarce now, and the people from the church of course. And then I have these friends all over the world, especially in Latin-America, people from Peru, Mexico, Colombia, Chile, Argentina,... I love them all!

Another blessing - thanks to the Lord - is that I was able to flee away from the world of the Belgian psychiatry - that would have killed me, honestly - and that I ended up in the Netherlands, where the treatment of psychiatric patients is so much more humane. Furthermore, I have a room in the heart of Leiden, close to the university, close to the supermarket and the shops, close to almost anything I need. I have everything my heart desires, my mom and dad love me and come to visit me twice a month. I'm able to study and can afford it thanks to the Dutch government. I'll hopefully be able to graduate this year, and then we'll see if I can find a job. But up till now, God has always blessed me, and I'm thankful for that. You can read more about the fact that all this is not a mere coincidence in an earlier post. 

Although sometimes I'd like to have a partner to share my love with and I'd love to have one or more children with him, and although I've been thinking that none of this is actually going to happen for I'm already 30 years old, God has blessed me with some rather special companions, parakeets, to be more specific. I had my first parakeet at the age of 12, and as you might know, Chico, a wondrous bird, died just 17 days ago, but was my loyal comrade during the past seven and a half years. Now, exactly a week ago, my most recent buddy Timo joined my life and I can tell you, (s)he is as lovely a bird as I have ever seen. (S)he is still a baby parakeet and needs a lot of care and attention, which I'm more than willing to give. Chico will never ever be forgotten, but my pain has subsided considerably now that I have to care for another feathered friend. 

What about other blessings? I honestly think I don't stop at the thought often enough, because I know a lot of people who have difficulties to earn a good living and to have enough money to buy the substantial things like food and clothes. I can afford to buy books and DVDs, I have a computer and a smartphone, and still, I dare to complain about life being unfair?! Honestly, Debz, think about your blessings before judging God and telling Him He's been unfair to you. Whatever the outcome of tomorrow's talk with the doctors is, I'll have to be able to deal with it. Of course I'll be utterly sad if it turns out that my grandma's days are counted, but then we'll all have to make the best of it. We'll have to react as a family and support each other. Now, it's still easy to make that statement, maybe tomorrow will be completely different. Please, people, keep my grandma and our family in your thoughts and in your prayers. We certainly need it. 

For now, I'm off, trying to have some quality time with my family and Timo, watching a football match - yes, Barça again, although their defeat is as good as certain - with my dad and helping my mom with some computer issues. The sun is still shining, there'll be a beautiful sunset, I suppose. Still, I'll be glad to be back in Leiden next week, where I have my therapists to talk to, because whatever happens tomorrow in the hospital, there'll always be flaws or points that we don't like...