The time has come...

... for me to take another step in my psychiatric career. I hope it stands out on my psychiatric CV. Today word came to me that Wednesday they will transfer me to the CIB (Centre for Intensive Treatment) in The Hague. I was shocked, astonished, horrified, and these words don't even cover the emotions I felt. That's because I was on a waiting list since a month, and it would take some 3 to 6 months before I could get there. And now, today, my psychiatrist tells me with a solemn face that they have a bed free... for me...

This is what Google offered me when I googled on CIB, it seems to be a living room

I don't know what to do. I've cried all the tears I had, there's nothing left. Never before have I cried so much in my life. My eyes are red. I cried, not only because of the fact that I have to go to the CIB on such short notice, but especially because I'm not allowed to see my budgy Timo anymore. I'm not allowed to go outside anymore. The risk that I would run away is too big, so I'm on the inside for the next two days. AND... I have to go by ambulance, something I loathe. It's all because I have the RM (Judicial Authorization), I don't have a choice. But I won't make it easy for them, I'll play a dirty game too. 

It's just... There are so many more things I have to arrange: Timo is only one of them, but also, bring stuff from home... Why on such short notice? Why not next week? I'm suspicious maybe, but I think that my psychiatrist already knew this before, and that he waited to tell me this because he knew it would hit home real hard. I also think he'd rather have me in the isolation cell for these last couple of days, but I won't let it come that far, oh no! 

So, what will await me there? We start with a clean slate, that much is true. There, they don't know anything about me. Hey, they barely even know that I exist! Debz is now still a fuzzy name in their list of patients-to-be. 

There's one positive thing, though. I haven't told you guys yet, but the first book I wrote, from which I once posted the first chapter - which has undergone many changes already - is now at the publisher, waiting to be approved or to be rejected, but I already started a sequel. Because, if the publisher refuses to publish the book - which is not unthinkable, since I'm a beginner - I'll do it myself, and the same counts for the sequel. However, the sequel is much more autobiographic than the first, and so Timothy also has to go to the CIB, or some sort of clinic of that kind. In the book, I was almost there, and so I got out of inspiration, so this is a good point. Now I can go on writing, that is, if they allow me to have my laptop over there, which I truly hope.

Timothy, as drawn by J.J. Pan, the illustrator of my book

Please people, pray for me or - if you don't believe - hope for me that they can help me over there, that there is a treatment which will truly help me. Otherwise, it's been all for nothing... I'll try to keep you up to speed. 

Love,
Debz