Single ladies club: members only!

Remember those times men and women married at the age of 18 or 20 and had children shortly after getting married? Remember those times men and women were married for over 50 years and stayed together their entire lives? Well, these times have long been gone, that much is true. 

I turned 30 a while ago and I'm still a member of the single ladies club. And as for me, I'd like to keep it that way. I see terrible things happening around me. Cousins get divorced and marry for the second time. Friends are treated like rubbish by their husbands or boyfriends. Why in the world would I want to get married or even have a boyfriend? All the misery, all the problems... Sh*t happens, they say, and I totally agree, but if you can prevent that type of sh*t from happening... why wouldn't you? 

Ok, I have to admit that there are still exceptions. When I look around me when I am in church I see happily married couples. Still, it's a process of giving and taking. And I don't know if I'm willing to give that much. Honestly, being a borderliner doesn't help. Borderliners love to give and take, but somehow it always boils down to searching the extremes. 

So I've decided I'll be a member of the single ladies club for the rest of my life. I've had relationships, oh yes, but the first serious boyfriend I had treated me badly and didn't respect my limits when it came to initimacy, the second one turned out to be gay and only used/abused me as a cover for his family and the third one... well, that was a good one, but he broke up with me because he couldn't cope with me being a borderliner - which, if I think back how I was back then and how I behaved at that time, was a completely reasonable decision. It's been almost 11 years since he left me, and since that moment, I've been a chronically single lady. I've regretted some decisions I've made, for example, that moment when I had the chance to begin a relationship with a very, very friendly housemate, but I was too scared to lose him that I didn't dare to go ahead with the romantic thing. Now we're soulmates, and I love him more than I would have loved him if we'd had a relationship. I've been in love with some very nice guys from university, but somehow it didn't work out, not only because I wasn't able to take that giant leap, but also because somehow the boys I fell in love with, weren't really in love with me.

There's a slight possibility that I'll turn out to be a spinster for the rest of my life. So what?! I'd rather be happy and unmarried than unhappily married. In my family I've seen enough examples of unhappily married people. Then I'd rather stick to myself and my lovely budgy Timo. We're a good match, you know :) 

 

Of course, there is this one thing... I'd love to have children of my own, but I don't think that would be a wise decision. First and foremost, I'd need to quit all the medication I'm using. Not an easy thing, because then it's quite unpredictable how I'll end up after 9 months of pregnancy without my meds. Furthermore, I'm already 30 years old, and I have the impression that all the "good guys" are already occupied. I once tried a dating site, but that didn't turn out to be a great success. So I gave up after only a month. And since then, I haven't felt the need to make another profile on another dating site, even if it were a christian dating site. I feel quite comfortable with the life I'm living now. My parakeet is my companion, I have quite a lot of good to really good friends - you know who you are! - even though I see some of them on very rare occasions. We keep in touch via mail, via Facebook, on the phone. And if this urge to have children becomes so overwhelmingly big, I can always go to Belgium and play with my nieces, or play with the children in church. 

 

So, what about you, dear reader? Do you prefer to stay single - whether you're a lady, like me, or a guy - or do you really have that urge to find a partner soon? In any case, those times of "they lived happily ever after" are over. If you see and hear what happens in some families between partners... Tssss, it's just too much for me. I'll live "happily ever after", but then WITHOUT a husband, because, as far as I know, I've been quite happy for the past 11 years, without one single kiss, without - well, let's just say it - having sex... I'm happy the way I am. I don't need a man, I want to stay independent as long as I can. Of course, the day I'll have to go to an old people's home will be very difficult. The children I never had won't visit me. The granddchildren I never had will never visit me. And the husband I never had will certainly not stay with me and hold my hand when the moment I come to die arrives... But that's for later, why don't we just enjoy this moment of independence? If you want to join my single ladies club, you're very welcome! (Even if you're a guy ;)

Count your blessings

Especially in times when you feel a little sad, it's good to count your blessings and to conclude that in fact, life isn't too bad. Or is it?

I think God wants us all to count our blessings every now and then, especially at those moments at which we think we're just having bad luck and we think everything goes wrong. This could be such a moment. I'm in Belgium since last Saturday because my grandma is very ill, she has cancer, and we have to wait until tomorrow before we know if the tumour is operable or if we'll just have to wait and see. It's tearing me apart, because I love my grandma very much, and in fact everyone in our family loves her, especially and irrevocably my granddad. Last week, when my grandma was in hospital, my mom had to bring my granddad to the psychiatric ward because he just couldn't cope with the situation and he threatened to commit suicide. It's terrible to see everyone so unhappy: my mom, my aunts and uncles, the grandchildren... Last Sunday we all went to a cafetaria together, that is to say, my grandparents and almost all the grandchildren. We had some coffee, ice cream and some drinks, and we had a good time. The weather was beautiful and the nature around us evenly so.

Granddad and his beer

Grandma and her ice cream

Having a good time together!

Let me first state that I'm extremely happy that I've known all of my grandparents. My granddad from my father's side died when I was only 7, but his wife, my grandma, died in 2010, 20 years after my granddad had past away. And so I only have the grandparents from my mother's side left, but - and here comes one blessing - I've known three great-grandparents from my mother's side, two great-grandmothers and one great-grandfather. I was 15 when my great-grandfather died at the age of 89. A beautiful age, an age at which you can look back and conclude that it certainly was a life worth living, especially when you know that he was in fact still very lucid and that he had a sharp wit. It's never easy to let go of someone you love, but it's easier when it's at a reasonable age and without a lot of suffering.

Also, in our family, there haven't been so-called "tragic deaths". By this I mean that no children have died or suffered from cancer or some other destructive illness. There've been deaths, yes, but most of them were at a reasonable age, with the exception of one of my mother's uncles, who was in his sixties when he died from a heart attack, on the exact day that I turned 15 and one of my uncles - a brother of my father - who died at 69, just two years ago. There've been no cases of cancer, that is, until now, with my grandma. So our family has in fact been quite lucky when it comes to deaths and terrible diseases. Furthermore, our family has proliferated. I have many cousins and second cousins, many aunts and uncles. Although there've been fights and contact with some of them is completely lost, I cherish the beautiful moments we had in the past and the fact that some bonds have been renewed just a couple of months ago. 

Family is very important to me, maybe even more since I moved to the Netherlands. I see them less often, and although we call and we chat on Facebook and Skype, it's not the same. I also see my family blessed with my two nieces, Indra and Kyana, about whom I wrote something in an earlier post and who are very, very important to me. Still, when I get a little bit melancholy, I can always count on some friends in the Netherlands, especially one, who will know I'm talking about her when she reads this. She's been an example at first, and a friend later on, but I've practically known her since I started studying at Leiden University. I also have friends from university, although they are rather scarce now, and the people from the church of course. And then I have these friends all over the world, especially in Latin-America, people from Peru, Mexico, Colombia, Chile, Argentina,... I love them all!

Another blessing - thanks to the Lord - is that I was able to flee away from the world of the Belgian psychiatry - that would have killed me, honestly - and that I ended up in the Netherlands, where the treatment of psychiatric patients is so much more humane. Furthermore, I have a room in the heart of Leiden, close to the university, close to the supermarket and the shops, close to almost anything I need. I have everything my heart desires, my mom and dad love me and come to visit me twice a month. I'm able to study and can afford it thanks to the Dutch government. I'll hopefully be able to graduate this year, and then we'll see if I can find a job. But up till now, God has always blessed me, and I'm thankful for that. You can read more about the fact that all this is not a mere coincidence in an earlier post. 

Although sometimes I'd like to have a partner to share my love with and I'd love to have one or more children with him, and although I've been thinking that none of this is actually going to happen for I'm already 30 years old, God has blessed me with some rather special companions, parakeets, to be more specific. I had my first parakeet at the age of 12, and as you might know, Chico, a wondrous bird, died just 17 days ago, but was my loyal comrade during the past seven and a half years. Now, exactly a week ago, my most recent buddy Timo joined my life and I can tell you, (s)he is as lovely a bird as I have ever seen. (S)he is still a baby parakeet and needs a lot of care and attention, which I'm more than willing to give. Chico will never ever be forgotten, but my pain has subsided considerably now that I have to care for another feathered friend. 

What about other blessings? I honestly think I don't stop at the thought often enough, because I know a lot of people who have difficulties to earn a good living and to have enough money to buy the substantial things like food and clothes. I can afford to buy books and DVDs, I have a computer and a smartphone, and still, I dare to complain about life being unfair?! Honestly, Debz, think about your blessings before judging God and telling Him He's been unfair to you. Whatever the outcome of tomorrow's talk with the doctors is, I'll have to be able to deal with it. Of course I'll be utterly sad if it turns out that my grandma's days are counted, but then we'll all have to make the best of it. We'll have to react as a family and support each other. Now, it's still easy to make that statement, maybe tomorrow will be completely different. Please, people, keep my grandma and our family in your thoughts and in your prayers. We certainly need it. 

For now, I'm off, trying to have some quality time with my family and Timo, watching a football match - yes, Barça again, although their defeat is as good as certain - with my dad and helping my mom with some computer issues. The sun is still shining, there'll be a beautiful sunset, I suppose. Still, I'll be glad to be back in Leiden next week, where I have my therapists to talk to, because whatever happens tomorrow in the hospital, there'll always be flaws or points that we don't like...

Viva el Rey!

Hoy es un día especial mundialmente, y particularmente para todos los holandeses. Todo el mundo está siguiendo lo que pasa en los Países Bajos. La Reina Beatrix de Holanda acaba de abdicar después de 33 años como Reina y su hijo Willem-Alexander toma su posición como Rey de los Países Bajos. Su esposa Máxima Zorreguieta es nuestra nueva Reina y su hija Amalia la nueva princesa real. 

La - aún - Reina Beatrix, el príncipe Willem-Alexander y su esposa Máxima antes de la abdicación

La princesa Beatrix anuncia la llegada del nuevo Rey Willem-Alexander

El nuevo Rey, la nueva Reina y las tres princesas, saludando al público

Hace casi 11 años, moví de Bélgica a Holanda, y aunque al principio no era fácil adaptarme a las nuevas circunstancias, hoy día estoy tan contenta de poder vivir y estudiar en Holanda, incluso me siento orgullosa de poder vivir en este país. Sin embargo, por el momento estoy en Bélgica, no puedo celebrar el día de la Reina en Holanda, porque mi familia me necesita. Mi abuela está muy enferma, y estoy en Bélgica para apoyar a mi mamá y a mis abuelos y mi familia. De todos modos, desde las 9 y poco esta mañana, estoy mirando la televisión para no perder ningún momento de las ceremonias de hoy, día treinta de abril de 2013. 

La - ahora - princesa Beatrix

Siempre he tenido mucho respeto para la - ahora - princesa Beatrix, incluso antes de vivir en Holanda. Pero cuando moví a Holanda y asistí a mi primer día de la Reina, en el 2003, sentía que los holandeses realmente adoraban a su Reina y a los príncipes y princesas, y esto es algo muy diferente en comparación con los belgas. Nosotros no tenemos ningún lío con nuestro rey, y aún menos con los príncipes y princesas. La verdad es que puedo cantar el himno nacional holandés perfectamente, mientras que sólo conozco las dos primeras líneas del himno nacional belga. Como escribí en este blog hace un año, me siento a veces más holandesa que belga, o por lo menos ambas nacionalidades. 

Quiero agradecer a la princesa Beatrix por haber sido una Reina muy interesada en y comprometida con su país y su pueblo, por haber sido presente cuando su pueblo la necesitaba y por haber hecho esta decisión en el momento más apropiado. Ahora el Rey Willem-Alexander y la Reina Máxima están completamente preparados para tomar esta responsabilidad tan grande. Al contrario, el príncipe real de Bélgica, Filip, no está nada preparado para ser rey. Por eso, nuestro rey, Albert, tiene que seguir siendo el rey, y creo que él nunca va a abdicar, sino que va a reinar hasta su muerte. Lo mismo pasa en el Reino Unido claro, porque el príncipe Charles tampoco está preparado para ser rey. 

Una familia bonita y feliz. Cuánto se parecen las niñas!

Ahora empieza una época nueva en la historia de Holanda. Espero que el Rey Willem-Alexander vaya a recibir tanto apoyo del pueblo holandés como su mamá durante los últimos 33 años. Seguramente, se lo merece. Tengo también mucho respeto para él, y aún más para la Reina Máxima. Sabes, les quiero contar un pequeño secreto. Hace algunos años, recibí una llamada telefónica de un catedrático de nuestro departamento de Estudios latinoamericanos de la universidad de Leiden. Él me dijo que tomara mi agenda y que escribiera que tendría una clase de máster con la - entonces - princesa Máxima. Así que la vi de muy, muy cerca, y tuve una clase con ella sobre el microcrédito. Era una experiencia inolvidable para mí, aunque era entonces demasiado tímida para ir a hablar con la princesa. Pero comimos todos juntos - estudiantes, profesores y la princesa - empanadas. El ambiente era increíblemente caluroso. 

El público en Amsterdam, en el Dam

Ahora bien, dentro de poco tiempo tenemos la ceremonia oficial de inauguración del nuevo Rey. Hasta entonces, los holandeses comerán algo, pasearán por la ciudad para ver si pueden comprar algo en los mercados organizados por los niños y sus padres... Siento mucho que no pueda asistir a la fiesta en Leiden, pero sé que mi familia me necesita ahora aquí en Bélgica. 

Algunas horas después...

La inauguración ya ha terminado, y fue impresionante pero muy formal, aunque la formalidad es apropiada en este caso. No quiero dejarles sin algunas fotos de la inauguración del Rey Willem-Alexander. La Reina Máxima resplandecía de orgullo y de felicidad, como se puede ver en las fotos.

El neuvo Rey Willem-Alexander y la Reina Máxima

El juramento del nuevo Rey

Parecen muy tensos, el nuevo Rey y la nueva Reina

La nueva Reina, orgullosa de su esposo!

Cantando el himno nacional de Holanda, el Wilhelmus

La princesa Beatrix con sus tres nietas. Qué lindas son!

Majestad, mucha suerte en su nueva responsabilidad en un país tan diversificado y a veces tan complicado como los Países Bajos. Espero que no vaya a decepcionar al pueblo holandés. Todos - incluso los extranjeros dentro del país, como yo - tenemos esperanzas bastante altas de usted y de su esposa Máxima. Ustedes tienen todo mi apoyo!