Oh sweetheart, I want to cherish those moments we shared together, I really want to, but it's so painful to realise that with those moments, your faith was sealed. Who could have known that the last time that we saw each other, last April, would be the last time ever? I would give a lot of money for just one more moment with you, just one more chat, one more hug, one more laugh.
It hurts so much, Sas. I had no clue. I thought you were more or less okay. We all have our struggles, and so had you. But apparently your battle was fiercer than any one of us could imagine.
I was reading our Whatsapp conversations from a while ago. In there you wrote on a given moment that from then on, you would go for it for a 100%. What went wrong? What made you change your mind? Why couldn't you feel the love we felt for you? I'm so sorry that we couldn't give you more love, Sas, I'm really sorry. You must have felt so lonely, so desperate, so mad maybe that life didn't work out the way you would have wanted.
You know, I've been there a couple of times. I've also been desperate and I've also wanted to make the pain stop forever. Somehow though, I guess I've never been where you were last Sunday. It's just, Sas, you were always talkative when it came to your problems. You talked about your depression, you shared things about the other problems that tormented you. It's just... I really had the imagination that things were finally working out for you. When your mom called me to tell the dreadful news, we talked about it for a while. She told me you kept your darker side to yourself. You didn't really share it, nor wanted to share it.
Now the time has come to say goodbye. This is gonna hurt. You were one of the people of the CIB I had a lot of admiration for. You had this mental struggle, but you fought, till the bitter end. However, we as outsiders didn't see that part of you that was hurting so much. I'm sorry Sas, that's all I can say. I hope you're in a better place now, where there is no pain, no hurt, no problems. I'll look at the sky every evening, thinking and hoping that there's another angel up in heaven now. Here on Earth you'll be missed. When I look at your pictures, I still can't believe it. But it's true. You're gone...
