The judge was kind of sympathetic. I recognized him from one of the earlier court hearings, and back then he was quite sympathetic. However, the head therapist and her collleageus kind of had prepared this hearing very well, while I only referred to my lawyer. The people from the clinic were inceredibly while I couldn;t even find the words to defend myself, so I rest my case. I couldn't find the words to overrule the case, so the verdict was exremely negative for me: a prolongation for a year to begin with. Are these guys nuts? I just barely survived an RM that lasted "only" four monts, the majority of which I spent on the outside of the hospital. However, this time the judge was'n't so lenient... Apart from this, he listened nearly only to the words of the head therapist and took all my hope away: she - the head terapist supposed that the entire treatment would take 5 or 6 years, but - fortunately - I would'nt have to spend all those years on the inside. It's possible to stay at horme with an RM, as long as you behave. If you don't, you'll be back behind bars, a.s.a.p., so to say.
Back to the topic. Words can stab you in the back. Not only in this kind of situations, but also in daily, casual topics. For example, when I graduated cum laude in 2013, my sister, my own blood, only had one word for me: "Finally" No congratuations, nothing like that, just that one bloody mess of a word. Not even a post card or a text message, no, just a faceback message. I was disappointed, and that's the least I can say. If you're a loyal reader of this blog, you'll already know that my sister don't have a good or nice relationschip, but that doesn't mean that she should take on this attitude, does it? Anyway, I don't belong to her circle of people, which means that I'm not wealthy, or an owner of a proper enterprise nor am I having lots of money. So I don't fit in the pattern...
However, I know that all these words out of hate have their origin in jealousy. Still, it hurts, especially when it comes from peope close The funny thing is, what does I have that other people don't have? I live in a student house. I don't have lots of money. I don't have a job, nor a house, nor a car. Only at university did I get a Cum Laude degree. And... not to forget: I've been in an d out of psychiatric hospitals for the last 14 and a half years. Now, if that isn't something to be proud of - didn't she say cynically. By the way, often, people utter this kind of expressions in an easy way, without thinking about the consequences. Here at the psychiatric clinic, a nures hurt me with such an utterance: "Get away, you retarded fool!" Those aren't words you expect from a psychiatric nurse, and they hurt me so much.Over and over again...
I can't deal with these kinds of situations as you might have spotted. However, I get confronted with them day by dayl I'm depressed. I don''t know what to do. I feel lonley, I don't know what to do. I think I'm going to take some meds (prescribed, don't worry) and get back to bed. What else should I do?
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