Isn't this something what we're all longing for: A place called home? It's one of the needs of the human race: shelter. However, if we look back in time, the human being has adapted this shelter to its own whims. When we were still living in the prehistoric times, we used to decorate the walls of our caves. Now, this "shelter" takes on quite different shapes. A couple of weeks ago, I saw Cristiano Ronaldo's "shelter" on Facebook. It looked marvelous, that's the least I can say. If I compare it to the place I call home, well... Let's say there are some remarkable differences, not in the least the differences in luxury and space.
I've been living in the Netherlands for 13 years right now, and I haven't regretted it for most of the time. The only problem in comparison to the village where I used to live in Belgium is that here there really is a housing problem. Some seven years ago, I decided that I would probably stay here in the city of Leiden instead of going back to Belgium. That's when I realised I should have put myself on a list much earlier. Truth is, only after roughly six or seven years on the list do you qualify for a small house or flat. That is even a minimum, as I have experienced lately.
Since I came back from the CIB (Centre for Intensive Treatment) I've been looking for a small house or flat in the beautiful city of Leiden. It hasn't been easy and unfortunately I haven't been successful. I've reacted a couple of times and I've been invited to a handful of visits. It gives you a good feeling to be invited, you know, you kind of feel a Very Important Person every time you end up in the top 10. However, every time I ended up second, third, fourth... Nearly, but not good enough. It really is kind of frustrating. Two weeks ago, however, I ended up first. I was so excited! This was the very first time I had it all in my own hands. Now it was up to me whether I took the house or not. I think I've been living on cloud nine for the entire week before the visit. At first, I was quite certain I would take it, especially since my parents and I paid the house a visit and saw that, from the outside, it looked old - it was build in 1926 - but thought that with some painting we could make something beautiful of it. However, three days before I'd go for the official visit, the house-building put an offer for 60 new estate apartments on the website, also in the city of Leiden and even quite near the city centre. I didn't know what to do. I was torn between two choices, because there were only 60 apartments available, so it would be a gamble. I could make a guess at the new estate apartments, or take an old house and make the best of it. What would you do?
So I went to the visit of two old houses in the same street. The first one was a huge deception. There was a lot of fungus in the dormitory, it was filthy. It was also smelly, there hung a bad smell in the entire house, the shower and kitchen were old... I decided not to take it, without even thinking about it. The other house in the same street was in a much better condition, and I had more difficulty in making my final decision, but I also rejected this one and I took a guess at the new estate apartment. I just knew that I wouldn't forgive myself if, in the end, I would turn out in a favourable position for the new estate apartments.
My life has taken on a new dimension lately. Every morning, I check my position on the list. Every day is another deception, however... Whereas I started out on position 21, I am now on 65... It really was a gamble, as you can see. Still, there is hope. A woman from the house-building encouraged me to be hopeful. It's still possible that people in the first group refuse the offer or that they don't have the necessary papers. So that's what I'm doing right now: HOPING! The inscription will close on Tuesday the 26th of January. Only then will I know my final position and can I start hoping that people will cancel their inscription. Please people, keep your fingers crossed and hope together with me that at least 5 people will cancel their inscription or refuse the offer. Then I'll be the happiest Belgian girl in Leiden! I hereby invite you to my housewarming at the Prinsenhoek in Leiden, in May-June 2016 :)
It's been a while, people, I know, I plead guilty. I've been absent from this blog during quite a long time. I couldn't find the time to post, nor did I have the inspiration to post anything that could be of any interest to my dearest readers from all around the world. A lot has happened since the last time I posted something on this blog. The biggest achievement during that long period was probably my discharge from the closed psychiatric clinic on the fifth of October 2015. After almost a year of intensive treatment, I could finally leave the clinic with my head held high. I did what only few people could accomplish: after a successful treatment, I could return to my good ol' student's room in Leiden. However, I noticed real soon that I wasn't happy anymore with life in these circumstances. I craved a place for myself, a place bigger than the 12 square metres I'd been living in since the year 2002. So the day after I got home from the clinic, I started looking seriously for a new place to live in. And finally, the future seems to become more positive towards me when it comes down to finding a place to live.
2015 was in general quite a bad year. It was a year in which I already was admitted to a psychiatric clinic where I had to reside 10 months. During those 10 months, I had to fight in order to get myself together, to get a grip on myself and to understand myself better. It was a year in which I got to know people at the clinic who had to deal with similar psychological problems, people who often were less strong than I was - or so it seemed - and two of them - Marie-Claire and Daphne, may they rest in peace - weren't strong enough to keep on fighting and decided to give up the fight and chose death instead. You are both missed by me, your friends at the clinic and your family. It's such a big loss that you both gave up the fight, ladies. I truly hope you've finally found the peace you've been looking for for such a long time, and I do ask myself if it was worth the sad and definitive decision.
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| RIP Marie-Claire |
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| RIP, Daphne |
However, there actually are some good things I have to mention about the year 2015. It was the year in which I learnt some things about myself that permitted me to be strong and to keep on fighting. Thanks to my psychologists I understand myself better and I'm able to live my life in a valuable way. I learnt to accept myself and - even more - the little Debz living inside of me, which is essential if I want to have a more or less "normal" life.
Another good thing about the year 2015 is that it was the year in which my first book got published. It's title is " Ik, Timothy. Tussen zin en waanzin", which is Dutch for "I, Timothy. Between sense and frenzy". It's a Dutch book, because Dutch is my native language, and since its publication in September it has been sold over 140 times. I'm proud that the majority of my readers is positive and even enthusiastic about the book. Some are even asking me about the sequel, which I have already written but is now being revised by a friend of mine. After the check-up, I'll send it to the editor, hoping that they also want to publish my second book. I've even already started writing the third book, which will be a little bit more complicated in comparison with the first and second book. You'll understand why when - and if - it gets published in a future far away from here and now...
2015 was also a year in which some family members were challenged when it came to their health. My dad got seriously hurt in an accident during work and as a result of this accident he had to stay at home during more than 6 months. My mom experienced trouble with her back the entire year, my grandmother is facing serious health problems with possible heart and kidney failure and my grandfather is limited by dementia. I felt powerless because I was at the closed psychiatric clinic in Holland and I couldn't go to Belgium to support my family, to be there for them. I was just looking from the sideline, or so it felt, and I couldn't do anything to help them.
So, let's make our calculations about the year 2015: it wasn't a good year at all, with the only exception the publication of my first book. It's about time we exchanged 2015 for a new year because a new year means we also get new opportunities. So 2016, are you ready? Because here I come, eager to start a new year and to make the best of it. When it comes to my housing problem, there might be good news. I'm on the first spot for a house in the city of Leiden. I'll probably be invited next week to pay a visit to the house. If I like it, I can accept it and my housing troubles will come to an end. It's of course still premature, but this might be a brand new start. Also, if my second book gets published, I'll be a happy author once again. I did earn a relatively beautiful sum of money with the publication of the first book. What's more, it gave me self-confidence and a good feeling about myself.
This year I promise myself I'll be a little bit kinder to myself. I'll try to be less critical towards myself and I'll try to grant myself something good every once in a while, just because I deserve it. This year I want to have my own house, and I want to make a fresh start. Hopefully I can make this start soon, with a new house as the most beautiful present one could ever imagine to start a new year. It all seems an idyllic fairy tale, but who knows, maybe this dream can become true anytime soon... Thumbs up! And, I promise you, dear reader, I'll try to post more often on this blog so you'll hear from me very soon again!
Receive my best wishes for 2016, a year filled with beautiful moments you can share with your family and friends!
