But look, here I am, back again. I know it's such a cliché to start a new year with some resolutions, and actually I don't really want to go there. I do realise that that's the only thing I can do to start 2018 in a positive way. See, I have to confess something. Every year, when the clock strikes midnight on January 1st, I feel actually pretty sad and I have a hard time in covering up this sadness and the accompanying tears. You'll probably ask yourself why this is the case. Almost the entire population celebrates the new year with loads of champagne and congratulations here and there. See, the point is that I'm always asking myself who will die thís year. As one of my biggest issues is separation anxiety, I can't live with the idea that people will die and thus leave my life. 2017 was marked with quite a lot of loss. I lost two good friends, they died way too soon. And besides them, I also lost my grandfather, who was also my godfather. I miss him...
So I just prepared everything for tonight's celebrations. Two friends will come over to my place to welcome 2018. As a matter of fact, I do have some new year's resolutions. The funny thing is that they are almost an identical copy of those of last year. And of the year before that. I'm quite consequent, you see. But there's one big thing coming up, and it's big enough to dedicate the rest of this post to it. Yes, indeed, it's quite a thing. As from May 2018, I will finish my therapy sessions. It all started when I was 17, and in May, when I will be 35, it will end. It is an issue, it is, and I have shed some tears because initially I felt rejected by my therapist, but I will do it and I will be able to handle it without him. In the last couple of years I have grown strong, it's almost incredible how I've changed. Three years ago, I was still admitted at the CIB for a almost a year, a closed ward for complicated and difficult psychiatric cases, and look at me now! Living on my own, in my apartment, with the minimal care: I receive once a week a visit from a psychiatric nurse and once a month I see my therapist. Only these therapy sessions will come to an end. The idea was initially killing me. What would I have to do if I had issues that required therapy? Like traumatic experiences that I wanted to discuss with my therapist? But my therapist is quite sure that I can cope without him. And deep inside I also know it, but after all these years of intensive therapy, it feels a little awkward, as if I'm dropped in the dark and it's so scary! I lack some self conscience, I do know that. There are still five months left, five months to keep on working on this topic. The good thing is that I not only have the perseverance, but also a healthy fighting spirit. I can and will accomplish this!
Happy 2018, people! See you around!
