The Snake Princess

Written on the 16th of December, published later for obvious reasons.

Bad news: There is a fourth voice. Yesterday evening, around 8.30 PM she was there, out of nowhere she came, and she introduced herself as the Snake Princess. This is against the odds, because first and foremost, until now, all my voices have been male. Furthermore, the three others are rather harsh, while she is more soothing. And that, people, is in my humble opinion, her most dangerous characteristic.

I don’t know how we started the conversation. I just know that in a rather stressful moment – I had to go back to the isolation room to spend the night there – she was there when the two nurses that were coming for me went away for a few minutes. She displayed herself as a real lady, but I don’t trust her. When I was back in the isolation room, she started revealing her plans to me.

It comes down to this: she has several people working together with her, who will help to undermine the world leaders, in order to build a new world, HER world. Of course, we’re starting at a small scale. Hell, I say “we” as if I’m already involved in the plan, but I don’t want to join in! She needs highly intelligent people – I’ll see that as a compliment – to help her, because, I think, she has no human form. Anyway, all these highly intelligent people have to get out of the situation they’re living in right now and have to disappear. Not disappear as in “die”, no, we need to be trained, trained to annihilate people, buildings and other things. I don’t have a clue where we will be trained, but she said that the first thing for me now is to escape from this place. Well, that’s not the first time a voice has said that to me, is it?

Her plans are laborious. Hard work will lead to the destruction of this world. She has quite a fantasy, you know. She showed me images of her new world where there would be no starving children, no dying people, no beggars on the street, no filthy people, no raping, no drugs dealing, nothing like that, no. Everything would be just like in a fairy tale: palaces, beautifully adorned streets, healthy people… But how she’s going to accomplish that? For one, I’m not that healthy, although maybe she has some wonderful powder I can sniff in order to get better.

Ow gosh, what am I talking about? This is all the fantasy of a terrible voice, although it is the first time that it’s not all about destruction, there are some beautiful ideas behind it too. Problem is that “we”, her army, would have to be trained to kill all those people that are ill, including AIDS patients, including cancer patients. I have to be honest, while I’m writing this, I’m overwhelmed by a feeling of indifference when I think about those people. But what about me? I mean, I’m not too healthy either, am I? Or maybe the Snake Princess doesn’t see psychiatric illnesses as an insurmountable problem…

So now I have two worlds of voices in my head, because Male, Moses and Sinaeus don’t have anything to do with the Snake Princess. The latter seems more dangerous however, while the former three emphasise self-destruction. In the world of the Snake Princess I may get another chance, as a soldier, something I’d always wanted to be. Rather a soldier than destruct myself. Rather a soldier in an army than jump off the thirteenth floor from a building.

The nurse just came in. She advised me to focus on other things, but hell, this is important! The world needs to know! I may be trialed as a traitor, but I don’t want this plan to happen, although I also notice that I’m quite double in this when it comes to the plan. On the one side, when I consider these images that she sends me, it’s precious, it’s beautiful. On the other side, it’s horrible! How can you kill people that are ill or mal-nourished? It is as if the Holocaust starts all over again! That’s why I need to warn people! Don’t listen to the Snake Princess! She’s dangerous! And now she whispers soothingly in my ear that I’m wrong, that she’s the opposite of evil. She whispers that she has only good intentions, namely, to create a better world. But she does want to use violence, because she wants to lead an army! Forget about the nuclear bombs of Iran or the chemical weapons they’re creating all over the world! I can imagine that her weapons won’t be of that sort, but will be more powerful than any existing weapon. Maybe bio-nucleo-chemical, something of that sort. When she shows me images of her army, we’re all in some kind of suit with a gas mask. So something chemical must be behind her way of moving.

The Snake Princess has me under control. She can bend and break me if I won’t fight in her army. But how the hell do I get off this ward? Sorry guys, but I have the feeling that I’m getting more and more into a psychosis. All those beautiful images, her soothing voice, the other three voices… What is real and what isn’t? It’s getting harder and harder to focus, my heart beat goes faster and faster… I’m not feeling too well. I’m slipping out of reality. Slipping out of it… Slipping out of it… Slipping out of it…

And then, hours later, I’m back, still with the voice of the Snake Princess in my head. The images still burning in front of my irises. Her words still weary in my head. What can I do about it? It’s clear to me that the Snake Princess is very dangerous, although she keeps whispering in my head that she has big plans coming up for me. Just escape from this ward and then… I’m afraid, people, I’m afraid. I didn’t ask for this voice, for her voice. I didn’t ask for a military plan like this. I didn’t ask to be included in an operation like this. In fact, I didn’t ask for any voice, any image in my head! But here I am, and it all seems so real that my heart skips a beat and my breath gets stuck. What to do? What to do? Please, God, help me, for I’m getting out of reality so fast now. I can write it, but I can’t say it, and THAT is what the nurses in this ward – and no, not only this one, unfortunately – don’t understand. I’ve never been a talker, always a writer. Why can’t they just see that I’m losing control? I’m at 35% right now when it comes to controlling the voices. That’s quite the borderline. I need help, but I can’t ask for it. I just can’t. That’s my handicap and they just don’t want to accept it. You could say they’re in it with the voices. The nurses and doctors I’m talking about, for those voices don’t want to be talked about, that much’s for sure. And if nobody reads what I’m writing, then there’s no danger for them.