Because we're a team, that's why

As some of you may know, I don't have an easy life, nor is it obvious that I'm still alive at only 29. Especially the last 12 years have been below par. I've been struggling, because I think I deserve a normal life too. However, it hasn't been easy. I won't torture you, my dear reader, with a description of those 12 abominable years. It wouldn't be good for you, and I think I would only harm myself even more if I recalled all those bad memories. Still, I want to tell you something about Borderline Personality Disorder, because May is BPD awareness month.

Almost 10 years ago, I decided to move to the Netherlands. That wasn't easy at first, because I had severe psychiatric problems. However, I couldn't stay in a country in which I had been maltreated in so many ways... The memories were just too painful. The Netherlands offered me a brand-new start, or at least, that's what I assumed. However, I'd only just started studying Astronomy when I realised my problems had moved with me. I hadn't been able to leave them behind back in Belgium. So I went into therapy once again. And guess what, here in the Netherlands the treatment was completely different. The approach of my Borderline Personality Disorder was... new, inspiring but at the same time quite hard to endure.

What exactly does "Borderline Personality Disorder" mean?  Well, what's in a word? It means a whole lot of trouble for the persons involved, as well for the patient as for his/her environment. I felt shattered, extremely lonely and rejected by everyone. I couldn't cope with the pain, so I had my own ways of dealing with my problems, including cutting myself or taking too many pills. I was so destructive... About three years ago, however, after another admission and another change of meds, things seemed to change. Step by step, I gained more strength and my life took an unexpected turn. I suddenly was able to LIVE instead of just SURVIVING. I obtained my Bachelor's degree in Latin American Studies Cum Laude. The relationship with my parents improved a lot and I'd stopped punishing myself for all the misery in my life - read: I'd stopped cutting myself. And the most incredible fact is that this situation went on for about three years... until about three months ago. A change of meds and probably the workload and high expectations related to my Master caused a relapse, and a serious one. I had to be admitted to the psychiatric clinic and all the misery I thought I'd lost forever came back. But let me not go into detail, let's look at TODAY. Because I've achieved one thing: I'm still alive, which can be called a little miracle much as I wanted to be dead so that I didn't have to suffer anymore. I didn't do it on my own, however. I survived because we're a team: Berend, Gerdien and the one and only Debz :) I wasn't always happy with their decisions, not to mention my frustration and my distrust of them. But we made it. Yesterday, Gerdien told me she thought they deserved a special decoration, in this sense:

So I made them one, because, although I didn't always approve of their decisions, in the end we made it, and I wanted to show them that I do have a sense of humour and that I appreciate their effort. Because we're a team, that's why!

May is Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness month. Did you know that in the Netherlands alone, a rough 250,000 people suffer from this psychiatric disorder? That's almost 2% of the population. In the US, this number is estimated to be even higher. If you want to learn more about BPD, follow this blog, I'll try to post something about the topic every now and then. Otherwise, read a book about it, google the topic or watch a movie. I can recommend this one, and I have it at home, so if you want to watch it, just ask: