Just that tiny little bit more...

Not so long ago, I posted a poll on my blog to ask how you would describe yourself when it comes to religion. I was quite curious to find out if religion is still something worth mentioning nowadays. To be honest, I've been struggling with religion since I was old enough to think for myself. I was born in a region in Belgium where religion is important, but not officially. I mean, I was baptised in a catholic church, I made my first Communion and the holy Confirmation, I always went to catholic schools, where we had to go to church a few times a year. But apart from those moments, I hardly set foot in a church. My parents never prayed in front of my sister and me, nor did we read the Bible at home. So I wasn't really acquainted with religion. All I knew about religion was the stuff we learnt at school. However, there was a period in which I went to church every Sunday with my cousin. We must have been 10 or 12 at that time, and there were special events for children during the sermon which meant quite good fun. But this didn't last for long. It was a mere whim, I suppose.

 

My secondary school still had a few nuns who taught some courses, but they were especially there to keep order and to teach us how to be decent girls (at that time, only girls were admitted to that school :O). At the age of 13, I had become a true atheist, however. I've thrown away my diaries from that period - what a waste! - so I can't really recall how it looked like in real life, but I couldn't believe that there was a God while there was also so much misery, pain and disaster in the world. If there really was a God, how could He allow all this to happen? 

I can't say that I renounced to Catholicism altogether, though. There was still that tiny, little voice that kept asking me: "What if there really IS a God, and you die and he doesn't accept you in heaven because you renounced to Him?" However, as I didn't get real religious input from home, I wasn't really fond of God and His son Jesus. And it even got worse as I got older. At the age of 15, I was quite sure there wasn't any God out there. I had lost too many family members and had seen and experienced too much pain by that time. 

Then, when I was 16, I started spending my time with books about all types of science: astronomy in particular, but also philosophy, geology, archaeology... you name it. I realised that the world was more complex than I'd initially thought, so I tried to learn as much as possible about the world, its origin, its history and its people. I firmly believed in the Big Bang theory and in evolution, so why bother about religion? God was just another invention of us, inhabitants of planet Earth, and the creation described in the Bible was just another made-up story. People are good at inventing stories and stuff like that. At the same time, I was fascinated by the wonders of nature. I admired the universe with its millions of stars and billions of galaxies, I admired nature with its many different species, animals as well as plants. And because of that admiration, I was struck with awe, and I could no longer believe that all this was just there without any reason, just by coincidence. And because everything is so perfect - think of the availability of water and oxygen on our planet that allow us to live, for example - I was convinced that there was more. And that's when I decided that there should be forces in nature that direct all of this, that there should be Gods of nature. Yes, that's when I became a polytheist.

 

I realised that it wouldn't be easy, because, as far as I know, there is no such thing as a "bible" for polytheists, nor is there much written about it. Furthermore, polytheism is mostly associated with religions from the past, descending from the period of the Egyptians, Greeks and Romans. But I was sure: there were these wonderful Gods of Nature. And due to the absence of a "handbook", I started to write my own prayers and to do my own rituals. I was overwhelmed by the power of the Gods of nature, although I could also be afraid of them. Because, as you might know, I'm scared when there is a thunderstorm, I've always been, since I was a child. And at the moment of a thunderstorm, an earthquake or a vulcanic eruption, I always thought that the Gods were angry with the people on Earth. This type of religion wasn't just a whim, although at a certain point, I must 've get bored with it, because I can remember that I fluctuated between atheism and polytheism and ended up being an atheist again for a couple of years.


Only years later, more or less 4 years ago now, I saw the light, almost literally. I was converted to Christianity again by a psychiatric nurse in the clinic where I was admitted at that moment. It's a long story, but it practically boils down to what was already written in the Bible: Even before you ask God for a sign - something that can prove that He really exists - he will already have given it to you. And that is exactly what happened to me. When I read that verse in the Bible - it was either in Matthew or Mark, but I can't recall where exactly - I was struck by surprise and awe. I could no longer pretend as if God didn't exist.

So, it's been four years now, and although I am not a very active Christian - Protestant, for that matter, not Catholic anymore - I truly believe in God and I also believe that His only son, Jesus, died for us, so that we could live. He has given me that tiny, little bit more that I had been looking for for all those years. And I have given Him my heart in return. I know it's not enough, but it's a start. He has changed my life completely, and I'm thankful for that.

Somehow, people who believe in God and Jesus are being considered a little bit "old-fashioned", "naive", "boring" and "gullible" or maybe even "freaky". Why is that? I think the critics should go to a few churches on Sunday - an activity I've taken up just two weeks ago and that felt really good - and just try them out, and they should meet some (moderate) Christians and talk to them. I mean, I will never ever try to convice somebody that he/she should be converted, but I would try to answer their questions if they had any and I would tell them about my experiences. The most striking fact is that you don't have to renounce to science if you want to believe in God. You can perfectly combine your scientific understandings with religion, and that's exactly what I do. I'm convinced that God created the universe, so the Big Bang was His idea. I believe that He created plants, animals, and us, people. He made sure that his plan to create humans would succeed in the end by using evolution. He loves us so much that He has given us our brain, which helps us to invent new tecnology day after day, so that we can save other people's lives or make life on Earth easier. He has made everything perfect. Look for example at pictures from the Hubble Space Telescope. It's all so beautiful... However, there are some disadvantages that he probably didn't foresee. People invent things that are not so good for other people or nature. There are wars, there is hunger, there is poverty, there are murders,... But this all happens because we, as human beings, also have a free will. 


Still, it's not easy to be a convinced Christian. I also have my weak moments, and then I think of the fact that people so easily invent things. Have you ever seen a real unicorn or a real dragon? Neither have I, so why wouldn't it be possible to invent a God? Also, the Bible is old, but books are written all the time, with invented stories that could be true. Think of Harry Potter, think of other books and movies. And what about injustice, as in children who die from hunger or cancer, people murdering others and getting away with it, and so on? So it's not easy to be a Christian, but I'm proud to be a Christian. I know that God is there for all of us. Also for you, dear reader...